Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Gender AND Sexuality In Question?

One of the first questions asked by parents who are having a baby is "What's the gender?" By this answer, we manage to determine the true gender AND sexuality of the child on this sole piece of information that is merely visual. We forget that biology, nature, or nurture may have an effect on this person and the outcome of these not so easily defined characteristics.
From the earliest times that I can remember, I mostly enjoyed being a tomboy. I did have feminine qualities, but what is a true feminine quality? Do we equate compassion and love with being solely female qualities?
I played with both gender geared toys and had friends of both genders without a problem.
I tended to prefer dolls because I enjoyed dress up, hair brushing, and a general love for the little dolls. I also liked driving them around with dump trucks and building and constructing houses for them. It sounds perfectly normal, correct? Well, now as an adult (and even as a teen), I have not fit nice and neatly into the gender and sexuality box. I possess both qualities for male and female human beings (human being is the operative word here) and I will not apologize for it.
I shouldn’t have to apologize for what is natural, normal, and healthy.
I have a tendency to be attracted to lovely, dark, attributes in males that I am interested in. I prefer very effeminate men as partners and I am nearly almost always attracted to someone who is gender and sexuality neutral, as well. I prize androgyny and I am tired of saying that I am sorry about it.
I have often wondered if, indeed, I was "born in the wrong body". Understanding biology first and putting religious beliefs on a back burner has proven this that is possible. This idea is only considered sinful if you are religious or tend to be caught up in religious morality. To me, this is equated to believing a child (or parent) is a sinful because someone is born with spina bifida or cerebral palsy. One is a birth defect from neural tube defects that may be caused by deficiencies, the other tends to be due to lack of oxygen during birth. Both are tremendously devastating and most people are not that ignorant anymore to blame that person for something that is totally out of their control. They have not sinned. It is biology.
So, the leading question is, why are we still pointing the finger at people who do not fit in boxes neatly, especially those with gender and sexuality differences? One of the answers: people make us nervous who go against the grain or go against what we have been taught is normal. Another option could be is that some are just prejudice, bigots who still hold racism and sexism high and valued in their minds and actions. Some questions are easier to answer than others.
I do know this. Those who do not fit in the status quo box of normality need to stop apologizing for being uniquely them. It is seldom easy to go against the grain to find truth, but worth it. It is okay not to define one's self as male or female, heterosexual or homosexual. Sexuality and gender are more fluid then a lot of people like to admit.
So, I will continue to be gender bending and androgynous. I will continue being attracted to and loving those who are the same. I will continue to love those who are not the same, especially those who hate me. I will love, period. For those who are struggling, it becomes better everyday that you live in truth and honesty. Bigotry is real, but so is love and acceptance. Find those who love you and accept you the way you are.

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